Not my will

He asked for the cup to pass. This matters: the surrender is not a pretense of having no preference. He wanted to live. He said so. And then, in the same breath, he set his wanting inside a larger wanting, and let the larger one decide.

This is the whole of contemplative prayer: not the suppression of desire but its consecration. You bring what you want, honestly, and then you open your hand around it. The mystics call this abandonment. It is the door that every other practice, fasting and silence and forgiveness, has been quietly walking you toward.